Is out of office and will return.......
Watch his space!
Tuesday, 14 July 2009
Thursday, 9 July 2009
GONE GONE GONE
I've emailed my script over to the Emmy's, so now it's offical, I'm an entry. 1 of thousands!!!
Lets hope it's noticed.
Lets hope it's noticed.
Tuesday, 7 July 2009
Sir Peter Ustinov Award script
My Sir Peter Ustinov Award script is complete. 'Side Tracked' it's called, and although it's not something I would normally write I'm happy with what I've written and proud of the hard work I put into it. Now I just hope it gets me somewhere, if only a nice letter of encouragement.
So fingers crossed and I'm already on to my next project 'Manchester Divided'
So fingers crossed and I'm already on to my next project 'Manchester Divided'
Friday, 5 June 2009
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
Sir Peter Ustinov Television Scriptwriting Award.
There's been a slight gap in posts I have to admit, not to sure why, just think it's the fact that, one; I'm lazy, and two; no ones reading.
Now, because on one is reading this I find it hard to add anything new because it feels like I'm just writing to myself, and that's just masturbation. At the same time if I don't come on here often enough and network, how the hell is anyone gonna know about this genius blog if I don't try?
So, I'm gonna try.
I'm working on something new (How many times is that gonna be written on here?). This time I'm writing for the Sir Peter Ustinov Television Scriptwriting Award. A competition is designed to motivate non-American novice writers under the age of 30, and to offer them the recognition and encouragement that might lead to a successful career in television scriptwriting. So, I'm starting a fresh and writing something for all the family!! Yeah right. I'm curbing the language, which is hard and trying to make the theme of the piece for everyone. No shootings to the face is this Mr Knight. The working title is Side-tracked but that will all change just like the story is day by day.It's great to see how the seed of an idea comes and you think you're set to start and then you character, someone you created, total out of the blues says something, something that you never had planned, and it changes the whole 3rd act of the piece.And that's whats happening here, all of a sudden something changes beyond my control and I have to start all over again, rewrite scenes to the Nth degree and totally drop scenes all together. Scenes that I was totally happy with, now gone!!
It kills me.
So there you go, that's what I'm doing now.
Now, because on one is reading this I find it hard to add anything new because it feels like I'm just writing to myself, and that's just masturbation. At the same time if I don't come on here often enough and network, how the hell is anyone gonna know about this genius blog if I don't try?
So, I'm gonna try.
I'm working on something new (How many times is that gonna be written on here?). This time I'm writing for the Sir Peter Ustinov Television Scriptwriting Award. A competition is designed to motivate non-American novice writers under the age of 30, and to offer them the recognition and encouragement that might lead to a successful career in television scriptwriting. So, I'm starting a fresh and writing something for all the family!! Yeah right. I'm curbing the language, which is hard and trying to make the theme of the piece for everyone. No shootings to the face is this Mr Knight. The working title is Side-tracked but that will all change just like the story is day by day.It's great to see how the seed of an idea comes and you think you're set to start and then you character, someone you created, total out of the blues says something, something that you never had planned, and it changes the whole 3rd act of the piece.And that's whats happening here, all of a sudden something changes beyond my control and I have to start all over again, rewrite scenes to the Nth degree and totally drop scenes all together. Scenes that I was totally happy with, now gone!!
It kills me.
So there you go, that's what I'm doing now.
Thursday, 16 April 2009
More on the new stuff
Well, I've nearly finished the first draft and I have to say I'm happy with what I've done but once I've put it to one side and sat down and re read it at some later date they'll be things I'll pick up on.
The formatting of the thing can be a bitch because I've still not fully got down what a working script looks like. They're all so fucking different so I'll get it as close as I can the leave it there.
Nothing more to report really.
Can I say a big thankyou to all of those of you who do not read this blog, nor leave any comments.
One day you will all read this blog and cry with shame.
The formatting of the thing can be a bitch because I've still not fully got down what a working script looks like. They're all so fucking different so I'll get it as close as I can the leave it there.
Nothing more to report really.
Can I say a big thankyou to all of those of you who do not read this blog, nor leave any comments.
One day you will all read this blog and cry with shame.
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
New Project
I'm working on something totally new and it's coming along brilliantly. I'm very impressed with myself.
I'm not gonna tell you all what it's about or what it's called (It doesnt have a name yet) but I will keep you posted on how it turns out.
I'm not gonna tell you all what it's about or what it's called (It doesnt have a name yet) but I will keep you posted on how it turns out.
Friday, 27 March 2009
Whats going on
It's hard trying to find my voice. To find what I want to write about and why I want to write. I want to write for 1000 different reasons, some creative and some to please my vanity. I want to tell stories, I also want to be on chat shows and conventions. I want to see my work made and then I want to win shit loads of awards and have the industry at my knees.
Whatever my reason...
I WANT TO WRITE.
It's just that simple. I want to work in an industry I love. I need to find that something. I need that story that will all fall into place. That story that's different from the rest and will just fly. I have stories here, there and fuckin' everywhere. Some in my head and some on bits of paper. All of them unfinished because I find something new to write about. I need to stick to one thing....
Just which thing?
Whatever my reason...
I WANT TO WRITE.
It's just that simple. I want to work in an industry I love. I need to find that something. I need that story that will all fall into place. That story that's different from the rest and will just fly. I have stories here, there and fuckin' everywhere. Some in my head and some on bits of paper. All of them unfinished because I find something new to write about. I need to stick to one thing....
Just which thing?
Take That + One
With the 'News' that Robbie would like to rejoin TT I decided I should go back into the archives and give you a TT Biog. ENJOY't
Take That were first formed in 1988 by gay maniac Martin Simon Paul John Smith Nigel. Whilst hounding the streets of Manchester he found 5 young lads and forced them to sing and dance at gun point. They did.
Take That's line up was Ken Barlow (The Barlow one), Mark Cute (The Hobbit one), Jason Lemon ( The gay one. Shhhhh....), Howard donalllld (The spazzy one) and Robin Williams (The Mental one).
There first single was...... something, no one can remember. But their 2nd single was about it only taking a minute and even tho the song was longer than a minute but didn't brake any laws, even thou the song was written by Johnathan 'Kiddie toucher' King who wrote the song to sing to the young boys he'd fill with his mini kings. 'It will only take one minute, to fill you bum. To fill your bum. Do do do'.
The boys became a masstive success until Robbie died and came back a better version of his father, Hi de hi's Paul Shane. His hit solo single ' I hope your old when you died' was a sort of hit and was written for Jade goody. She died young. His 2nd single was 'Demons' and now get played at weddings, funerals, and was the theme tune to 'Life on Mars'.
In 2005. Take that got together to become better versions of Boy Zone and it worked. Boy Zone came back to be better versions of the nolans. It didnt work.
In 2008 all boy bands were outlawed under the '2008 outlawing of boy bands act'. Now all boys band getter together and have underground fighting tournaments organizedby Ken.
Robin williams can now be found eating a pasty.
Take That were first formed in 1988 by gay maniac Martin Simon Paul John Smith Nigel. Whilst hounding the streets of Manchester he found 5 young lads and forced them to sing and dance at gun point. They did.
Take That's line up was Ken Barlow (The Barlow one), Mark Cute (The Hobbit one), Jason Lemon ( The gay one. Shhhhh....), Howard donalllld (The spazzy one) and Robin Williams (The Mental one).
There first single was...... something, no one can remember. But their 2nd single was about it only taking a minute and even tho the song was longer than a minute but didn't brake any laws, even thou the song was written by Johnathan 'Kiddie toucher' King who wrote the song to sing to the young boys he'd fill with his mini kings. 'It will only take one minute, to fill you bum. To fill your bum. Do do do'.
The boys became a masstive success until Robbie died and came back a better version of his father, Hi de hi's Paul Shane. His hit solo single ' I hope your old when you died' was a sort of hit and was written for Jade goody. She died young. His 2nd single was 'Demons' and now get played at weddings, funerals, and was the theme tune to 'Life on Mars'.
In 2005. Take that got together to become better versions of Boy Zone and it worked. Boy Zone came back to be better versions of the nolans. It didnt work.
In 2008 all boy bands were outlawed under the '2008 outlawing of boy bands act'. Now all boys band getter together and have underground fighting tournaments organizedby Ken.
Robin williams can now be found eating a pasty.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Tuesday, 17 March 2009
Life of Phythonk 2: The Palin Twins
'Michale Palin' was born 'James Palinton' in Sheffield in 1987. On that same day, in that same town, from that same fanny, Michales younger twin 'Michale Palinton 2' was born 18.7 seconds later. At the ages of 5 M.P 2 brutally killed his older brother with Macharno. To scared to tell anyone what he had done he then turned is older brother into a human puppet. So nobody asked any difficult questions 'MP2' came upon the idea of a double act 'Michale Palin & Mr T. Jones'. The act was a massive success and launched the hit TV show "Spazhandles power hour" 45mins of comedy mayhem.
"For years we never knew that Terry was in fact dead, we just thought in was a funny looking welsh man and I'll bum you if you say different" Graham Chapman in a 2002 interview.
"They were always together. Michale would wheel Terry round like one of those skeletons you have in science class. We just thought it was part of the act. It made me laugh anyhow" Rick "Ric" Mayle
The duo branched out briefly and wrote the mega oskar winning hit "Weekend with a dead man called Barney" which was later remade into 'Backdraft'. They never made an Hollywood movie again. Michale is now a success who travels the world for BBC1 evading the law for killing his twin, whilst Terry now works for BBC four and suits the channel rather well.
"For years we never knew that Terry was in fact dead, we just thought in was a funny looking welsh man and I'll bum you if you say different" Graham Chapman in a 2002 interview.
"They were always together. Michale would wheel Terry round like one of those skeletons you have in science class. We just thought it was part of the act. It made me laugh anyhow" Rick "Ric" Mayle
The duo branched out briefly and wrote the mega oskar winning hit "Weekend with a dead man called Barney" which was later remade into 'Backdraft'. They never made an Hollywood movie again. Michale is now a success who travels the world for BBC1 evading the law for killing his twin, whilst Terry now works for BBC four and suits the channel rather well.
An empty update
Thought I'd just lay down a quick update really. Now on the writing front, 'The Camp' and 'SIX' are on hold and now I'm onto a new Project called 'Meet the Robotsons'. I don't care what I'm written as long as I'm writing.
Red nose day was a wash out. 7 hours of gash TV. My company Raised £438 or something like that which was nice and I Texted my Fiver over so my conscious is clear. I saved Africa for another 2 years.
Red nose day was a wash out. 7 hours of gash TV. My company Raised £438 or something like that which was nice and I Texted my Fiver over so my conscious is clear. I saved Africa for another 2 years.
Wednesday, 11 March 2009
The Life Of Python: John Cleese
More silliness from me for you. You lucky fucker you!!!
John Cleese was born in India in 1902. His real Name is John Cleese. Before Joining 'Python' he spent his time working as an Estate agent in Bethnal Greeny. He sold over 2 million pounds worth of property all of which he had no right to sell. Once the police worked out what he was doing they nicked him and he became bankrupt. He instantly became a bum.
Whilst living on the streets he became friends with Berty Jones. Berty had been "AN Homeless" for all his life but he had a knack of saying funny things that would make people laugh because they and he were funny. John capitalized on this and decided to do the same. It did not work. People just found this homeless giant (19ft 6in) intimidating at the time.
Sat on a park bench, John once asked Berty why he smelled like 'Sugar Puffs' (Other Cereals are available). Berty Replied, "It's not sugar puffs I smell of dear boy, it's Piss" John Laughed.
"John dear, I'm not being funny. I wee myself at night to keep warm. It really is wee".
John decided to beat Berty to a pulp until Berty stopped crying, said something funny and passed out.
When John finally starting writing skits with 'Gay' Graham Chapmen (More on him and his 'Gayness' later) John would hold Berty in a cupboard and every now and again he would kick jokes out of Berty via his balls.
Graham once said "I, at no point, did I ever find a dirty old homeless man in John’s cupboard providing him with cries of funny. I was to busy with Playboy bunnies, who were gay because I'm gay. I really am gay. I'll Bum you!!!!"
John Cleese was born in India in 1902. His real Name is John Cleese. Before Joining 'Python' he spent his time working as an Estate agent in Bethnal Greeny. He sold over 2 million pounds worth of property all of which he had no right to sell. Once the police worked out what he was doing they nicked him and he became bankrupt. He instantly became a bum.
Whilst living on the streets he became friends with Berty Jones. Berty had been "AN Homeless" for all his life but he had a knack of saying funny things that would make people laugh because they and he were funny. John capitalized on this and decided to do the same. It did not work. People just found this homeless giant (19ft 6in) intimidating at the time.
Sat on a park bench, John once asked Berty why he smelled like 'Sugar Puffs' (Other Cereals are available). Berty Replied, "It's not sugar puffs I smell of dear boy, it's Piss" John Laughed.
"John dear, I'm not being funny. I wee myself at night to keep warm. It really is wee".
John decided to beat Berty to a pulp until Berty stopped crying, said something funny and passed out.
When John finally starting writing skits with 'Gay' Graham Chapmen (More on him and his 'Gayness' later) John would hold Berty in a cupboard and every now and again he would kick jokes out of Berty via his balls.
Graham once said "I, at no point, did I ever find a dirty old homeless man in John’s cupboard providing him with cries of funny. I was to busy with Playboy bunnies, who were gay because I'm gay. I really am gay. I'll Bum you!!!!"
My Writing
I've started writing 'The Camp', only a few pages in and I'm just trying to find my feet with the whole thing. I have tons of idea's, it's just trying to find which will fit within the premise of a first episode of what I would like to be a long running TV series.
If anything it's just good practice.I'm also thinking about turning 'Tameside' in a novel but I just think this is because I'm reading and watching David Peace 'Red Riding' Quartet/Trilogy. Again, it's just good Practise as is this BLOG.
If anything it's just good practice.I'm also thinking about turning 'Tameside' in a novel but I just think this is because I'm reading and watching David Peace 'Red Riding' Quartet/Trilogy. Again, it's just good Practise as is this BLOG.
Monday, 9 March 2009
My Comedy Blogs : Spandau Ballet
Heres something that I just usually send to friends and since you're now all my friends I'll share it with you.
Spandau Ballet is a stupid name for a band but in the 80's their stupid name and their stupid songs were all the rage. Some songs even caused rage in some Polish people, but that another story. The band were first formed by twins Martin and Gary Kray in 1967 and after almost 14 years of auditions Tony Hardly became there front man. Their first hit single 'Lie' went to Number 45 and the second single 'Silver' made 46, but this did not stop the boys from recording any more songs because they had a battle on their hands.
'Duran Duran' were doing well in the charts with there hits 'Rio Ferdanand', 'Hungry like Worf, and 'It's all in the reflex's'. Spandau hated Duran for having an equally stupid name so would meet every fifth Tuesday and have a New Romantics off. After 8 years of these meetings in Turkish baths, the bands decided it was a draw.
Simong lebong went on to marry a fit model and Martin Kray went of to marry a can of Pepsi.
In 1989 the band split. The twins went into acting and starred in such hit has 'The Krays', 'The Krays: Lost in Time', 'You can count on the Krays' and 'The Krays Vs. Walter Peck'.
Tony Hardly went on to become the voice of new satellite channel SKY and was made famous for 'This is Sky one', 'If it looks like its snowing on your TV, you're watching SKY' and ' Rupert Murdock murdered my father, SKY News'.
In 2004 the boys all ended up in court has they had a legal battle to find out who would admit to writing all the songs. Tony claims to have nothing to do with the writing of the songs and he's sure he didn't even sing on them.
Martin now live has a ghost on Alburts square!
Spandau Ballet is a stupid name for a band but in the 80's their stupid name and their stupid songs were all the rage. Some songs even caused rage in some Polish people, but that another story. The band were first formed by twins Martin and Gary Kray in 1967 and after almost 14 years of auditions Tony Hardly became there front man. Their first hit single 'Lie' went to Number 45 and the second single 'Silver' made 46, but this did not stop the boys from recording any more songs because they had a battle on their hands.
'Duran Duran' were doing well in the charts with there hits 'Rio Ferdanand', 'Hungry like Worf, and 'It's all in the reflex's'. Spandau hated Duran for having an equally stupid name so would meet every fifth Tuesday and have a New Romantics off. After 8 years of these meetings in Turkish baths, the bands decided it was a draw.
Simong lebong went on to marry a fit model and Martin Kray went of to marry a can of Pepsi.
In 1989 the band split. The twins went into acting and starred in such hit has 'The Krays', 'The Krays: Lost in Time', 'You can count on the Krays' and 'The Krays Vs. Walter Peck'.
Tony Hardly went on to become the voice of new satellite channel SKY and was made famous for 'This is Sky one', 'If it looks like its snowing on your TV, you're watching SKY' and ' Rupert Murdock murdered my father, SKY News'.
In 2004 the boys all ended up in court has they had a legal battle to find out who would admit to writing all the songs. Tony claims to have nothing to do with the writing of the songs and he's sure he didn't even sing on them.
Martin now live has a ghost on Alburts square!
Sunday, 8 March 2009
Back by popular demand of one.
Last night I was advised by my agent that I hadn't been on-line and updated my blog (My agent being Steve from work. Hi Steve), so I thought I'd take some time out at the this awful hour on a Sunday morning, 07:57. The main reason, as I have said before is to update on my writing achievements, if any. Well it's only been a week since I sent off my Radio play and if I do get anywhere with it it won't be until the end of march until I hear anything. Don't get my wrong, I have been writing. Either stories which are still in my head. Two I have in fact, one about a serial killer in Tameside (where I live) and the other about if Britain get occupied by some unknown force and we are forced to live in camps. One's called 'Tameside' and the other is called 'The camp'. Can you guess which is which?
One thing I have been doing is coming up with silly fake biographies on Celerity's or Bands or silly synopsis of upcoming films. I've been emailing them to a friend who shall only been known on the blog as A.K, or Peter Mandelson. He's my sparing partner. I have a competition in me when it comes to funny. If someone writes something funny I have to out funny them. (Steve, your included in this. I admire you and fucking hate you at the same time. A.K, I just fucking hate you). Back and forth we've been mailing each other. I'll add some on at a later date for you to enjoy.
Thinking about this blog I have come up with two more reasons why I should stick at it, three reasons if you include Steve. One being that my daughter can look back on this and see what her father was like when she was but a wee nipper. (God help her, is all I can say) and the second is that it's a good way to vent my spleen. Get off all those things that bug the fuck outta me off my chest. Try and be as witty and funny as that Charlie Brooker mother fucker.
Here we go.......
Red nose day is almost upon us which got me thinking, Comic relief and Band aid have been going for well over 20 years and millions upon millions of pounds have been raised, surly all those African kids are living well by now? They must know when it's Christmas? A lot can happen is 20 years so all I can think now is that those poor African sods don't have Broadband, or I-pods. Hell, I bet they only have freeview boxes on top of their normal 4:3 teles. How the fuck can modern children live like this? Quick get that fat black bloke off of those cheap hotels adverts to help them again, they only have fucking freeview and Jade Goody's televised death is only on UKliving!!!!
Jade Goody's another fucking thing that piss's me off at the moment but I'll come back to her when she's fuckin' toast and shit of all over her memory.
This years Comic relief tag line is 'Do something funny for money'. Which is just their way of saying we've run out of fuckin' ideas, the last few comic relief's have been horse wank so now it's your turn you cunts.
More later.
Happy Sunday.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Day 3
The more I think about it the more I'm starting to love this Blog. Some of my 'Friends' have had a read and like it and they are telling me to keep it up. Which is nice. I just need to find a way of getting more people to view, but it's early days. This blog is but a wee seed.
I keep thinking about the radio play that I have written and sent to the BBC as part of the 'Alfred Bradley Bursary Award' and I'm hopeful that they will like it and I'll be able to get my foot in the door. Writing for radio is not something I've ever thought about but the more I do think about it the more I like it. Just to be a working writer would be great. Who knows.
I keep thinking about the radio play that I have written and sent to the BBC as part of the 'Alfred Bradley Bursary Award' and I'm hopeful that they will like it and I'll be able to get my foot in the door. Writing for radio is not something I've ever thought about but the more I do think about it the more I like it. Just to be a working writer would be great. Who knows.
Tuesday, 3 March 2009
The afternoon't
Well, it's now afternoon time and even though there's not much to report I would like to blog that there's not much to report.
I started off the most awesome email today in work where those involved had to mail in the style of a Facebook status update. The Highlights so far have been:
"Steven has had a semi for fifteen hours straight."
"Louise is slightly concerned that her colleague sitting opposite, who she has just been making small talk with has a semi on."
"Ben hates updating his status."
"Steven is tall."
and
"Laura is thinking how great the cup of tea was this morning using the tea pot!"
This email idea is patent free so go ahead and try it!
I started off the most awesome email today in work where those involved had to mail in the style of a Facebook status update. The Highlights so far have been:
"Steven has had a semi for fifteen hours straight."
"Louise is slightly concerned that her colleague sitting opposite, who she has just been making small talk with has a semi on."
"Ben hates updating his status."
"Steven is tall."
and
"Laura is thinking how great the cup of tea was this morning using the tea pot!"
This email idea is patent free so go ahead and try it!
Twitter ya what?
I got up this morning I didn't see the point in continuing this blog. I always do that, start something I can't finish. I've started many a diary in the past. Whilst in the car on the way to work, the folks on the radio were discussing 'Twitter', two of the crew loved the site and the other two didn't see the point, and that's abit like me really. One half of me does not see the point of updating you with my mindless drivels and the other half of me thinks that what I'm doing in gold and you all love just reading what I've got to say that comes out of my headbox.
They mentioned that More4 news host Jon Snow has his own blog. Why? Why would a lanky loud news reader have a blog, and who would read it? But there must be people who'd like to know what he's doing when he's not shouting out the news to your face and ears, and that he sicks his ties up 5Min's before each broadcast.
One other think that bugs my about more4 news is when I'm watching 'Deal or no deal' and it comes to the second ad break, someone from the More4 news team gives you a quick overview of whats coming up on today's show, which is fair enough, but they try and be humorous with it.
'This is More4 news and although we are the news, we're also a Channel 4 based Digital channel, which makes us cool'
NO! I say. Cock off. Give us the head lines and do one.
"Today on More4, Sri Lankan Cricketers shot by gun men in Pakistan. You could say the snipers where 'Out for Six'."
Wank off you twats. Next they'll be twittering the headline to me mobile.
I think the mean reason I have started this blog is so maybe one day I can look back and see what a Genius/Wanker* I really was.
*Delete were appropriate.
They mentioned that More4 news host Jon Snow has his own blog. Why? Why would a lanky loud news reader have a blog, and who would read it? But there must be people who'd like to know what he's doing when he's not shouting out the news to your face and ears, and that he sicks his ties up 5Min's before each broadcast.
One other think that bugs my about more4 news is when I'm watching 'Deal or no deal' and it comes to the second ad break, someone from the More4 news team gives you a quick overview of whats coming up on today's show, which is fair enough, but they try and be humorous with it.
'This is More4 news and although we are the news, we're also a Channel 4 based Digital channel, which makes us cool'
NO! I say. Cock off. Give us the head lines and do one.
"Today on More4, Sri Lankan Cricketers shot by gun men in Pakistan. You could say the snipers where 'Out for Six'."
Wank off you twats. Next they'll be twittering the headline to me mobile.
I think the mean reason I have started this blog is so maybe one day I can look back and see what a Genius/Wanker* I really was.
*Delete were appropriate.
Monday, 2 March 2009
Day 1
Hello and welcome to MY blog. Seems a bit odd writing a blog when I'm really of no interest to anyone, but people do like to read other peoples shit that they type online and then leave a witty comment because other people like to read the blogs and the comments for no reason.
So here's mine, read, enjoy, leave something witty and/or insulting.
Guess what?
I'm a writer and the real reason I've started this blog is in the hope that one day I will become a 'Working' writer and this is where it all began.
I have Just recently entered a Radio play writing comp on the BBC writers room website. This is the first full script I have ever produced. I feel a real sense of achievement in the completion of the play as it's the first thing I've finished. I just hope the Beeb find something of interest in there and get me on the right path.
So there you go.
So here's mine, read, enjoy, leave something witty and/or insulting.
Guess what?
I'm a writer and the real reason I've started this blog is in the hope that one day I will become a 'Working' writer and this is where it all began.
I have Just recently entered a Radio play writing comp on the BBC writers room website. This is the first full script I have ever produced. I feel a real sense of achievement in the completion of the play as it's the first thing I've finished. I just hope the Beeb find something of interest in there and get me on the right path.
So there you go.
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